February 1, 2014
To the illustrious Mr. Pot:
Since I share in Mr. Pot's admiration for an efficiently
produced product such as the ubiquitous egg, I wandered aimlessly through
cyberspace trying to determine the considerable effect that the forced labor of
illegal and/or undocumented immigrants has on egg production in our country.
Apparently there are many national scandals in the United Kingdom involving the
use of questionable labor practices when the British chickens produce their
eggs. And while the egg industry is a multi-billion dollar “cash cow”, (my
sincerest apologies), I found that the bulk of the incredible, edible eggs we
consume in the U.S. of A. come from relatively small family operations. I
regress to the early days of television and a program called “The Real McCoys”
comes to mind. They had a farm hand named Pepino who was obviously of Hispanic
heritage. While Pepino was not allowed to live in the farm house with
Grandpappy Amos, Luke, and Sugarbabe, he seemed quite content and well treated.
Of course, the obvious question was: Did Pepino have the proper green card to
be in this country or were the Real McCoys merely taking advantage of his
questionable status to force him to do work that no self-respecting American
would do? Since the show, and most of its stars have gone to that great grange
hall in the sky, I guess we will never know.
Getting back to the issue at hand, apparently Mr. Pot feels
the price of a dozen eggs, or in his case, a dozen and a half eggs, is
artificially low and is somehow the result of unscrupulous practices by the
evil giants of the national egg cartel. Fortunately, no such movement exists
since most farmers are more like Amos McCoy than Bill Gates. There is an
organization called the United Egg Producers which is a lobbying voice for the
small family farm egg producers. But what I detect at the heart of Mr. Pot's
dismay at paying a reasonable price for a product is the almost inevitable
manifestation of the liberal conscience and an accompanying guilt trip down
Capitalism Lane. The truth is when liberals come across the success of the
capitalistic system in the form of efficiently produced and reasonably priced
products, they almost always suspect “fowl play” (apologies again). Many opine:
“We can't be paying prices this low. We're Americans...we're greedy and evil
and certainly don't deserve low egg prices.”
I marvel at the concept of the liberal conscience. It's
everywhere! Race relations, women's rights, gay marriage, and now Eggland's
Best. Mr. Pot, when will the race card be played concerning the discriminatory
practice of producing either brown or white eggs. And what kind of demented
racist mind could ever consider a white egg preferable to a brown egg? Weighty
issues to be sure.
But now on to the inevitable result of the liberal “good
intentions” that result from the liberal conscience. Suppose we overhaul our
country's immigration policies.....we bail out existing illegals and grant them
a path to citizenship. They become bone fide residents of our great country.
Since they are now part of the America that finds menial farm labor beneath
them, what are we to do to keep our egg prices so low? Not to worry, liberal politicians have their
subsidies in hand and are riding to the rescue!
So the egg producers will be paid to produce (or not to produce) eggs
and will get a government check to boot! And egg prices, like milk and other
dairy products will be regulated. And the taxpayer, in addition to buying the
product, will pay a subsidy for the low prices he enjoys. Lewis Carroll could
devote an entire treatise to such inane stupidity.
I did benefit in one way from my cyberspace trek. I found
out a great deal about the Farm Bill which in effect seems to be a bunch of
smaller bills. It's like the toy chest at the doctor's office for good boys and
girls. Reach in...there's low priced crop insurance backed by the good will of
the American taxpayer, there's over a billion dollars from the Justice
Department to amend for past injustices to Hispanic and female farmers (even
though very few in those classes have even asked for them), and the usual
subsidies for tobacco et al.
I must conclude by pointing out that in all of the guilt
trips related to egg production, one major class of farm worker has been
ignored, even by the illustrious Mr. Pot. I refer of course to the laying hen
who, in her wretched life, is first prostituted out to the farm rooster, then
forced to produce copious amounts of eggs only to have them taken from her (these
eggs are potential children after all, and all good liberals agonize for THE
CHILDREN!). Yet not one Ted Kennedy clone has come forth as an advocate for
Chicken Rights. Sure, PETA insures humane “work conditions” and treatment but
as soon as the laying days are over, poor Chicken Little is destined to become
“finger lickin' good” or wind up in a small red carton as a McNugget.
I suggest a national trust fund for these abused farm
workers with contributions comparable to the minimum wage. I am sure it would
enjoy the same success as other liberally inspired programs such as Social
Security and Medicare. By the way, while we're on the subject, shouldn't
chickens be covered under ObamaCare?
Sincerely,
Mr. Kettle
No comments:
Post a Comment